During any relationship conflict or difficult conversation, there often comes a point when you feel like you’ve just hit a wall, and you’re not moving forward. Or, so many pent-up emotions get unleashed that you start saying things you don’t mean.
“Very often when people speak to each other, they speak from their own frustrations and anger,” says Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. “ They’re conversations that, from the start, are blaming other people. Then the other person will instantly get defensive and counter them by coming back with something they’re upset about or don’t like about the other person.”
Even though it’s easy for disagreements to turn into ping pong matches where no one is heard and everyone ends up frustrated, Dr. Greer says that, it’s important to remember what you’re fighting for in the first place.
“The most important thing is to keep in mind that you and your partner are on the same team so you want to communicate with an awareness for what they’re feeling,” she says.
With that in mind, Dr. Greer gave some of her advice for what to say to resolve conflict in the most productive way possible.
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